Birth Mother Persepective: How My Agency Helped Me Through My Adoption
The adoption agency I used in my unplanned pregnancy is a Christian based agency. Personally, I do believe in God, but I am not a “sit in church every Sunday” type of girl. I wasn’t 100% sure if it would be the right fit for me. I knew about this agency through a close family friend that had used their services to adopt their oldest child. They had nothing but great things to say about the people and the agency itself. My concern was that I wasn’t going to feel the same way, being on the other end of the adoption process, as the birth mother.
I soon found that I was in the best hands possible to help guide me through this chapter of my life. I was already four months along when I finally made the decision to place my child for adoption. From the moment I stepped into the adoption agency’s office, I knew everything would be okay. My child’s biological father wasn’t going to be involved in this aspect of the pregnancy, by his choice, so I was the one making all the decisions. The thought of being the sole person responsible to make all the decisions needed was very daunting. Thankfully, the director of the agency was helping to steer me in the right direction.
I was asked what qualities I wanted the prospective adoptive parents to have, and from that list and what I looked like, I was matched with three couples. There was no pressure from the agency on what couple I should pick. I was able to pick the couple that I thought would be the best couple to raise my child as their own. I was also given the choice of whether to meet the couples or not, prior to giving birth. I am so thankful that I did. It really helped put my mind at ease and confirmed I picked the right couple. Every step of the way, someone from the adoption agency was there for me.
The adoption agency also helped get me to my doctor appointments. I grew close to the lady, Wendy, who would take me to the appointments. I was able to confide in her my fears and apprehension I had from time to time.
As my delivery date grew closer I was given a few more decisions to make. Did I want the baby to go to the nursery after giving birth, or did I want her to be with me in my room? Who was authorized to visit the baby and me? How did I want to tell the adoptive parents about her birth? I also decided that my younger sister would see my beautiful baby girl before she was given to the new parents. (My sister had been out of town when her niece was born.)
One of the hardest decisions I have ever made was whether I was to be the one to physically hand the adoptive parents, their new baby girl. Should I? Should I have the director of the agency do it, and just leave? I finally made the decision to be the one to place her in the arms of the mom that would take such amazing care of her. It was certainly a bittersweet moment. I wouldn’t have done it any other way.
I chose an adoption agency that put my needs and feelings above the business aspect of the adoption process. I wasn’t just a paycheck. I was a birth mother that wanted to give her child the best start in life in the only way I could at that time. If I had to do it all over again, I would do everything the exact same way.
Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.