By now your adoption professional probably knows you better than you know yourself. You shared your childhood, your adulthood, your good times, your hard times, your marriage, your relationships, and your decision to pursue adoption with him/her. But when you realize you are not happy with your adoption professional, what do you do?
#5 Remember that this is a difficult process
Adoption is a hard process. The waiting is hard. The timelines are hard. The paperwork is hard. The emotions are hard. Not everyone processes the emotions the same way. So you may feel there is a disconnect or a problem with your adoption agency, but give it a little time. Time to figure out the relationship between you and your worker. Also, remember that this is his/her job and they are not emotionally connected like you are. That doesn’t mean they don’t care, it simply means they are just doing their job.
#4 Talk to a neutral person
The issue may not be what you think. Again, adoption is a messy process. Sometimes you need to talk it through with a neutral source, not just your spouse. Have a sounding board to bounce the problem off of before you go directly to your worker. It just may be your emotions are too involved to see the other side of the situation. Again, give it time to work out. Give yourself time to process the situations as well.
#3 Talk to them
Have a sit-down conversation about how you are feeling and what has lead to this disconnect. Be honest. Be open. This is a very personal and emotional process. Express your feelings and where you feel you weren’t lead in the right direction or give a false sense of hope. Figure out a plan to move forward, with or without your agency. At least be open to having a heart to heart conversation with him/her, even if it will be a difficult discussion to have.
#2 Try another social worker
Try to get past your personality differences, and if you still are not 100% comfortable with your current social worker, ask to meet with someone else. If your agency is large enough and your issue is directly related to your social worker and not the agency as a whole, you may be able to meet with another social worker within your agency. Not every personality gets along. Neither one of you are bad people because of it, you simply don’t work well together.
#1 Move on
If you just cannot get past what has happened or the disconnect, it may be time to move on. But before you do, do some more research, meet with other agencies, and if need be, move on to another agency. Knowing there may be an amount of money lost and a chance of “time” lost in the process, you have to feel comfortable with your adoption agency. You spend a lot of time with them. You essentially tell them everything about yourself. Be confident in your decision, after all, this is your life you are dealing with, not theirs.